Experiencing forgiveness is a fundamental need of every human being!
Because all human beings are imperfect, we need to experience forgiveness to avoid hardening our hearts.
God our Heavenly Father was the first to satisfy this human need by sending his beloved Son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins. When a person does not experience forgiveness as a child, a vacuum is created in their heart that causes an attitude of revenge and generally violence.
Many people did not receive the forgiveness they needed and today they have become criminals with hardened hearts who do a lot of damage in society. Simply because their need to be forgiven was not satisfied!
In marriage, many people drag lack of forgiveness from their parents who punished them exaggeratedly, because of the modeling that they saw that they did not forgive each other, because of relatives who caused them harm and never asked for forgiveness or were forgiven.
All the pain that we could not solve at the time, we will charge someone for it! Then there are spouses who drag lack of forgiveness from childhood and charge it "unconsciously" to their spouses.
In married life, there is the possibility of hurting many times because of the different ways of seeing things in so many decisions that must be made in daily life. This creates a high probability of anger and reactions that can cause hurt in the relationship.
For this reason, and understanding that forgiveness is a fundamental need, the spouses must understand and decide to live in a spirit of permanent forgiveness.
Matthew 6: 14-15: Therefore, if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their offenses, neither will your Father forgive your offenses. Forgiveness is a mandatory command from our Heavenly Father to his children, there is no option. Either we forgive or we forgive!
If we do not forgive, the consequence is very serious: God will not forgive us either and then we will be left unprotected at the expense of the attacks of the enemy and the world. If you have injuries caused in your childhood or in your adolescent stage, you should talk to the people who offended you and forgive whatever, to be free of that emotional pressure.
If the person who offended you no longer exists, still go before God to forgive those people and be free of all those emotional burdens. Share all those painful experiences with your spouse. Matthew 18: 21-22 Then Peter came to him and said, "Lord, how many times will I forgive my brother who sins against me?" Up to seven?
Jesus said to him: I do not tell you up to seven, but even up to seventy times seven. In this biblical verse it is fully established that forgiveness must be a permanent attitude. We must have a trained heart to forgive as many times as necessary. It does not mean that we are going to allow ourselves to be abused, but that we are going to forgive, but at the same time we are going to look for alternatives for change to improve what is failing.
When either spouse makes a mistake, the correct attitude should be first to forgive to reduce tension and then to talk to find alternatives on how to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Even if the mistakes are repeated, the same process should be followed until they find the alternatives that solve the situation. But forgiveness can never be denied! We need to have this spirit of permanent forgiveness in us to ask for forgiveness and to forgive as many times as necessary, because many times we will be the offenders and we will need to be satisfied with the need for forgiveness. And this is a true expression of love!
Your marriage and your family is the most valuable treasure that God has given you. Take care of him!
Luis and Hannia Fernandez